Than
Fae
Apprentice
"Society is flawed without coruption to drive it"
Posts: 174
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Post by Than on Jun 17, 2010 5:18:08 GMT -8
Yep, I enjoyed the book a great deal more then the movie, but I'll watch it occasionally, but they did take quite a few poetic license loop-holes.
And once I find a part in some of my spoof material that doesn't make fun of my friends directly, I will post it.
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Duci
Shapeshifter
Awakened
Come on, Babe, why don't we paint the town?
Posts: 57
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Post by Duci on Jun 17, 2010 10:04:43 GMT -8
Haha, good. I am curious about reading one of your spoofs.
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Than
Fae
Apprentice
"Society is flawed without coruption to drive it"
Posts: 174
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Post by Than on Jul 7, 2010 15:06:56 GMT -8
Barn Wars Episode I The Black-Haired Menace
A short time ago on a fairground not so far away…
BARN WARS EPISODE I THE BLACK-HAIRED MENACE
Turmoil has engulfed the fairgrounds. The transfer of rabbits to outlying show barns is in dispute.
Hoping to resolve the matter with an array of over-sized cooling fans, the greedy Chicken-Lovers Federation has stopped all other cooling options to the small barn of Rabbitoo.
While the fairboard of Scioto County endlessly debates this chain of events, the County Educator has secretly dispatched two Jr. Fairboard Knights, guardians of peace and justice on the fairground, to resolve the conflict…
(Pan down to see a child pulling a wagon across the rabbit barn to the chicken line) (In the wagon are Zac-Gon and Brittany-Wan) Zac-Gon: Child?! Child: Yes sir? Zac-Gon: Inform them we wish to cross at once. Child: (Sarcastic) With all due respect, the ambassadors for the County educator wish to cross immediately. (Show Psychotic Gunray against the front gate) Gunray: Yes of course, as you know, our fans are perfectly UL Listed, and we’d be happy to receive the ambassadors. (Show the wagon crossing to chicken side) (They are greeted by a droid who leads them to the geese) Droid: My master will be with you shortly. Brittany-Wan: I have a bad feeling… Zac-Gon: You should have eaten before we came. Brittany-Wan: It’s not about food, master. Zac-Gon: Keep your concentration here and… Did I leave the stove on? Either way, if I know these federation types their leaders will be short. (At the front gate Gunray is un-eased) Layanidas: Kill the J.F.B! Oh, and I sent your Girl Scouts Cookies in the mail. (The hologram disappears leaving Gunray staring) Gunray: As you wish, and I have been craving Tagalongs all day, I mean I need something to get my mind off these frickin’ JFB, which reminds me, take out their wagon. (Show the wagon tipping over; the child who was pulling it jumps into the turkey cage where he is attacked off screen.) Zac-Gon: CRAP! There goes the wagon! I still had three payments on that thing, I mean do these guys even care about the investments we make in these things. (Both J.F.B draw their lightsmackers) (The two J.F.B run down the chicken aisle killing droids) (Gunray retreats behind the gate and it closes as the J.F.B arrive) (Angered the two J.F.B return to the geese) (Several Wheelbarrows are parked here) Brittany-Wan: (Running up to one) Let’s take this one! Zac-Gon: I don’t know I think we need to see the Car Facts Report Brittany-Wan: What do you mean it’s in great condition and this color won’t show dirt that easily? Zac-Gon: Well, I guess we could…. Droid: Stop those JFBs! Zac-Gon: O.k., we’ll take it! (They board a wheelbarrow and ride across the border) (As they cross the border the wheel breaks off) Zac-Gon: See, I told you we needed to see the Car Facts
(They crash into a row of cages on the rabbit side; they are almost run over by a Blondegan) (She is being chased by a chicken) (The two save her from it) Zac-Gon: You could have got us flogged! Are you blonde? Blondegan: No, no, mesa called Lisa-isa Binks, mesa you humble servant. (Leads them off towards the back room) Brittany-Wan: (Aside) Where the heck is she taking us? Zac-Gon: (Aside) Hopefully to a car dealership and we’re getting a Car Facts Report this time. Lisa-isa: This es culled Blondegan Closet, tis’ a hidden closet. (They enter the closet where they are greeted by several Blondegans) Boss: Lisa-isa, Why yousa comin’ round? Yousa know we not bes pleasing with yous blowing up our cars! Zac-Gon: I saved her life from a chicken; she owes me what you would call a life debt. Now if you don’t mind, we really have to be going, I left my stove on. Boss: The quickest way to the Chairs, is through the Middle Aisle. Now to get there you’re going to need a nice car from Boss Nass’ Car Dealership and Smorgasbord. (Leads them out of closet) Now this is the ClubCooler XX12, with 2.1 Horse Power and rear wheel suspension. Zac-Gon: Thank you, but we need to see the Car Facts before we make a commitment Boss Nass: Of course, I got the Car Tracks right here… Zac-Gon: No, that’s not what I said. Brittany-Wan: (Aside) Let’s just take it. Zac-Gon: Fine! (The three get on the club cooler and roll down the aisle)
(Zoom out on the Rabbitooan’s in their chairs) (The J.F.B and Lisa-isa roll up and hide behind the bench) (Gunray is walking with Queen Jackson) Gunray: (In Jackson’s face) I assume you enjoyed the donuts I sent you? Jackson: I can not be bought by mere Amish baked goods. Gunray: (Still in her face) Then good-bye Dalene! (Waves as the queen leaves) (Lisa-isa trips and knocks over a droid, causing a battle to ensue) (The J.F.B win and then the group rush towards the Buckeye tent) (They board a golf cart and drive off) (As they pass the fans Chick Droids throw cans in them, which fly out and hit the cart) Zac-Gon: We have to land, I need ice-cream! Brittany-Wan: (At G.P.S) Here sir, FreeBarnine, small completely out of the way… Zac-Gon: Stop! You had me at free! (The group lands in the medical section) Brittany-wan: Those frickin’ idiots took out our turbo! (Throws wrench) Zac-Gon: Calm, my young apprentice, I sense a disturbance. Brittany-Wan: It’s probably just Rhianna, she has a show tonight. Zac-Gon: Either way, don’t use the walkie-talkies. Come K2. (Zac-Gon, K2, Handmaiden, and Lisa-Isa leave) (Arrive at the first barn) Zac-Gon: Be careful this place is a haven for those who don’t want to sell quality items. (Arrive at the Sunoco booth) Worker: Good day, how may I help you? Zac-Gon: I need parts for a G-type 52 Mexican Worker: Ah, Mexican I have plenty of those, (Pulls back curtain to reveal a Mexican drug ring) Zac-Gon: No, the golf cart. Worker: Oh, I am sorry for that minor inconvenience. (Leads Zac-Gon around to the side) (Young child arrives) Child: Are you a grandma? Handmaiden: What? Child: A Grandma? I’ve heard the seniors talk about them, they come from one of the rooms of Greenbrier, I think. Handmaiden: I don’t think so. Child: I’m a person and my name is Stormy! Handmaiden: O.k., geesh,no need to be so forceful with the facts there Zac-Gon: Lisa-isa, Handmaiden, we’re leaving. (They leave) (Lisa-isa gets in a fight and Stormy saves her) (They then return to Stormy’s table) (Upon arrival Stormy shows the Handmaiden her droid) Droid: Hello, I am H-3MO, and my back hurts K2-M2: (Beeping) H-3MO: What do you mean you know I have rods in my back? (At the table the group eats) Zac-Gon: Is there any way for us to get money? H-3MO: (offstage) STREETWALKING! Zac-Gon: No, I don’t think we have three weeks for you to get us two dollars. Any other suggestions? Stormy: Wagon Races! Stormy’s Mom: No, I die every time that Sunoco worker makes you do it! (Sobs inwardly) Zac-Gon: (To Handmaiden) Gosh, someone needs to take some Zoloft (They all turn as a loud “Ouch” sounds from the doorway) H-3MO: Guys, seriously don’t run into doors, it hurts! K2-M2: (Beeping) Zac-Gon: She’s right there goes our Friday night. Handmaiden: We must do something! I can’t stay here the Republicans were coming on to me! (Sobs into napkin) Stormy: Come on ma, I need to help them, it’s my (Stands up and moves hands in an upward rainbowesque movement) Destiny. Lismi: (Still sobbing) Fine, but no dessert tonight. (Two days later the wagon race happens and Stormy wins) Zac-Gon: (To Sunoco worker) Bam! I get Stormy! Worker: Take her; I still get to keep the mom. (Winks at Lismi)
(Later Stormy and Zac-Gon arrive at the golf-cart on a stuffed dog) Zac-Gon: Duck! Stormy: WHERE?! I do enjoy my water fowl (Jumps off the dog and fights the dark figure) (The golf-cart starts to take off as the two break apart and Zac-Gon tries to get in) Zac-Gon: OUCH! You got my toe!
(The group lands at BrickBuildingsant) (The group exits their cart and enters) Zac-Gon: We must confer with the J.F.B Council. (Breaks off and walks down the basement stairs) (In the basement the two J.F.B confer with the council) Joda: So, training for the girl you wish? Zac-Gon: Yes, she has a very high connection to the force; she may be the Chosen one. Greg Windu: Then we shall test her. Joda: Really, just because some random JFB, who doesn’t even follow our rules correctly, thinks she may be the chosen one?
(In the Sr. Fairboard Chambers, a meeting is being held) County Educator: The chair recognizes our member from the sovereign barn of Rabbitoo. Member Kuhn: County Educator a tragedy has occurred, it started right here with the prevention of transferring animals to other barns, and has engulfed our barn into the oppression of the Chicken-Lovers Federation. Gunray: Objection! Educator: We have not recognized you at this time. Member Kuhn: I present Queen Jackson, recently elected ruler of Rabbitoo Queen Jackson: Honorable representatives, I come to you under the gravest of circumstances, the Rabbitoo Barn has been invaded by the droid armies of the Chicken-Lover’s Federation. Gunray: Objection! Kuhn: NO! Just sit down! Go on, down! DOWN DUMB MIDGET! Educator: You may continue, Queen Jackson: I’ve come before you to resolve this matter now; I was not elected to watch my rabbits die while you discuss this in a committee. If this body is not capable of action under its current leader, then I move for a vote of no-confidence in County Educator Sherlorum.
(Brittany-Wan and Zac-Gon walk down the stairs and towards the meeting chambers) Brittany-Wan: So what happened with the stove? Zac-Gon: Well, I rushed up to my apartment, and threw open the door. However the flames had already claimed the entire floor and my roast was burnt to a crisp. I then proceeded to call FEMA, they informed me, however, that it would be 3 to 4 years before they did anything in New Orleans and could send somebody to help. Who’d have thought the carpet on the walls was so flammable? (In the chambers the J.F.B. Council tests Stormy) Joda: Too old are you, and the forms I have not.
(In the Queen’s chambers the Queen and Lisa-isa look out window) Lisa-isa: Yousa thinkin’ yousa rabbits gonna die? Queen Jackson: I don’t know Lisa-isa (Kuhn enters) Kuhn: I have just applied for the County Educator’s position.
(In the J.F.B Council chambers They discuss Stormy’s fate) Joda: The force strong with her it is. Zac-Gon: So she is to be trained? Greg: No, Joda couldn’t find the papers. Zac-Gon: I’ll train her without the papers! Joda: No, already an apprentice you have, impossible to have two it is. Ki-Adi: Go with the Queen back to Rabbitoo, this may draw out your attacker. Greg: We shall decide the girl’s fate later.
(Back on Rabbitoo the group parks behind the barn) (The group confers with the Blondegans) Boss: Wesa not be ready to joinin’ you Handmaiden: Then we beg you, I am Queen Jackson ruler of Rabbitoo (Kneels revealing the fake) This is my “dummy” Kiya Boss: Wesa be joinin’ you nows
(At the chairs a hologram of Layanidas and Gunray talk) Layanidas: She was foolish to return. Gunray: (In Layanidas’ face) We have assembled an army to take out the Blondegans. Layanidas: Really? Well in that case, wipe them out. (Disappears)
(The small group approaches the chairs) Zac-Gon: (To Stormy) Stay in the golf-cart. Do you hear me? Brittany-Wan: Is that really a good choice? Zac-Gon: (Slaps Brittany-Wan) Don’t judge me! Queen Jackson: Get to your carts! (Everyone but J.F.B. and royalists board carts and take off) Gunray: I thought the fight would be farther away, this is too close. You know like a midget right in your face that’s all greasy and stuff. (As the remaining go to leave Darth Shardaul appears blocking their way) Zac-Gon: We’ll take him. Brittany-Wan: Actually I think it’s a her. Zac-Gon: Either way. (They draw their lightsmackers) (Darth Shardaul draws his double-caned light cane) (They fight into the barn on the side and then out onto the bleachers) (Gunray traps the royalists) Gunray: You have failed Dalene. Kiya: (Arrives) Don’t be so sure, midget. (Distracts Gunray as Jackson gets a gun and kills the droids)
(Out at the tent the two J.F.B, fight Darth Shardaul on the bleachers) (Zac-Gon is stabbed and falls to the ground as Darth Shardaul fights Brittany-Wan) (Darth Shardaul knocks Brittany-Wan off of the bleachers, but she grabs the edge) Darth Shardaul: Now Zane will love me forever! Brittany-Wan: Not on my watch! (Jumps up and cuts Darth Shardaul in half) (Her body falls off into the dumpster)
(Stormy’s cart lands in front of the main fan) (Pushes buttons and shoots the fan) (It explodes and Stormy returns to the chairs)
Queen Jackson: Now Psycho take your donuts, your gay Amish friend, and some breathe mints and leave. (In the front office Joda and Brittany-Wan talk) Joda: Found the papers I have Brittany-Wan: So I may train the girl? Joda: Yes, much power she has. (The Blondegans have a parade) (Lisa-isa breaks from it and dances with tree) (ROLL CREDITS)
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Duci
Shapeshifter
Awakened
Come on, Babe, why don't we paint the town?
Posts: 57
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Post by Duci on Jul 22, 2010 13:44:15 GMT -8
xD What an amusing read.
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Than
Fae
Apprentice
"Society is flawed without coruption to drive it"
Posts: 174
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Post by Than on Jul 22, 2010 15:16:48 GMT -8
Yeah, it's a little bit funnier if you've been to the fair this is based on
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Than
Fae
Apprentice
"Society is flawed without coruption to drive it"
Posts: 174
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Post by Than on Jul 22, 2010 15:31:54 GMT -8
Barn Wars Episode II Attack of the Crones
A short time ago on a fairground not so far away…
BARN WARS EPISODE II ATTACK OF THE CRONES
There is unrest in the Scioto County Fairboard. Several breeders have declared their intentions to leave the county.
This move under the leadership of the mysterious Count Atkinsu has made it difficult for the limited amount of Jr. Fairboard Knights to maintain peace and order on the fairground.
Sr. Fairboard Member Jackson, formerly queen of Rabbitoo, is retuning to the Scioto County Fairboard to vote on the critical issue of creating an ARMY OF THE FAIRBOARD to assist the overwhelmed J.F.B…
(Pan down to see golf-carts “flying” towards BrickBuildingsant) (Show Dalene’s “truck” following) Man #1: (Inside truck) We have begun our approach on BrickBuildingsant Sr. Fairboard Member: Very good, lieutenant. You deserve a cookie, when we land I have one in the cargo hold. (The group “Parks”) Man #2: (Getting out of cart) We made it. Woman: Yes, we did. Lieutenant: (Inside truck, not on screen) Senator, I don’t see the cookies all I see is several barrels all wired togeth…… (Show the truck blowing up) Woman: CRAP! (The Sr. Fairboard Member is thrown across the lot) (The woman runs to the body and kneels) Woman: Kiya! Live, live, live, (Tries to perform C.P.R) Kiya: (Coughs) I’ve failed you Dalene Dalene: No, you haven’t failed me. (Sobs) Man #2: Madam we got to go, I have a doctors appointment and I want to be alive for it. (Pulls Dalene away from Kiya) (They enter BrickBuildingsant)
(Show the J.F.B. Council in County Educator Kuhn’s Chambers) Kuhn: I don’t know much longer I can hold off the vote, my friends. Greg: If the barns do break away… Kuhn: I will not let this fairground that has stood for 113 years be torn in two. My negotiations will not fail! Greg: If they do, you must realize there isn’t enough J.F.B. to protect the fairground. We’re keepers of the peace not soldiers Kuhn: Master Joda, do you really think it will come to war? Joda: The Dark Side clouds my vision, impossible to see the future is… (The group from the parking lot enters) Joda: Sr. Fairboard Member Jackson, your tragedy on the lot, tragic, seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart. Jackson: Thank you master, I believe Count Atkinsu is behind it! Greg: He couldn’t assassinate a fly! Kuhn: May I suggest that the Sr. Fairboard member be placed in the protection of your graces. Greg: (Stands and moves to the group) It’s possible Master Kenobi has just arrived from a border dispute on Lambseon.
(Show Stormy and Brittany-Wan walking up the stairs from the basement) Brittany-Wan: You haven’t been this tense since we got attacked by those carnies on Casino. Stormy: You provoked those savages, and I saved you. Lisa-isa: (As the two enter Jackson’s chambers) Sr. Fairboard Member Dalene, mesa palos here! Brittany-Wan: Pleasure to see you again. Dalene: Yes it is, (Shakes hand) I want to know who’s trying to kill me! Brittany-Wan: Well, that’s a little intense Stormy: We will find them! Brittany-Wan: (Smacks Stormy) Ssh! (To Stormy) We can’t help her it’s against the code. (Show the two J.F.B outside Dalene’s room) Stormy: She’ll be fine I can sense every… Brittany-Wan: What the…? Stormy: Dalene! (The two break into the room and kill the snakes) (Brittany-Wan runs and jumps out through window and grabs onto the droid) (The droid flies around several times before making its way towards the balcony) (Before it arrives it is shot and Brittany-Wan falls into Stormy’s cart) (They chase the assassin, who crashes and dies spilling darts all over the ground) (They take a few then retreat inside)
(Show Stormy and Dalene getting in school bus and returning to Rabbitoo)
(Show Brittany-Wan at the main computers) Brittany-Wan: NO, NO, NO! Where the fat space slugs are you?! Joda: Trouble are you having? Brittany-Wan: Yes master, I can’t find GrandStandino, it should be here. (Points) Joda: It’s silhouette remains, but gone it is. Brittany-Wan: That’s it! (Gets up and goes leaving Joda behind)
(Brittany-Wan arrives on GrandStandino and it is raining forcefully) Brittany-Wan: I still can’t understand why it’s only raining here. (GrandStandinoan arrives) GrandStandinoan #1: Master J.F.B., we have been expecting you. (Is lead up onto the stage and to a couple of chairs and another GrandStandinoan) GrandStandinoan #1: May I present Llama Poo, Prime Minister of GrandStandino… (Brittany-Wan bows) Llama Poo: Greetings Master J.F.B., I hope you will enjoy your stay. Brittany-Wan: We can hope. Llama Poo: Good, You may inform Master Sypho-Dias that 200,000 units are ready, with a million more well on the way. Brittany-Wan: Sir, if I may, Master Sypho-Dias was killed almost ten years ago in a freak Ferris Wheel incident. Llama Poo: Ah, well I am sure he would be proud of the army we have built him. Brittany-Wan: An army? If I may ask, who is this army for? Llama Poo: This army is for the Fairboard, come and let me show you. (They stand and walk to the edge of the stage, in the arena are hundreds of Crones) Llama Poo: Are you happy with them? Brittany-Wan: Yes quite, Where is the original? Llama Poo: Oh we keep her here. GrandStandinoan #1: I can take you to her if you wish. Brittany-Wan: That would be great. (Brittany-Wan and GrandStandinoan #1 walk along the bleachers) (A small boy appears from under them as they arrive) GrandStandinoan #1: Dan, Is your mother here? Dan: Yep! GrandStandinoan #1: May we speak with her? Dan: Yep, (leads them under the bleachers) Mom, Coon Pee is here. Coon Pee: (To woman as she enters) Stephanie, welcome back, I trust your trip was productive? (Stephanie Nods) This is Master J.F.B Brittany-Wan Kenobi Brittany-Wan: (Bows) Do you travel often? Stephanie: Decently Brittany-Wan: Ever as far as BrickBuildingsant? Stephanie: Maybe Brittany-Wan: Recently? Stephanie: Perhaps Ever tried to assassinate a senator for the Senior Fairboard by placing two very poisonous snakes in her room? Stephanie: Yes, I meant no! Brittany-Wan: Did this occur last night at around nine o’clock eastern standard time? Stephanie: What is this 20 Questions?! (Fade Out)
(Fade in on Coon Pee and Brittany-Wan walking along the bleachers) Brittany-Wan: CRAP! (Runs under the bleachers) (Draws lightsmacker as she runs toward Stephanie packing her cart) (They fight and Stephanie knocks Brittany-Wan into a table and takes off in cart) (Brittany-Wan throws a tracker on the cart as it drives off)
(Show Stormy and Dalene land their cart on FreeBarnine)
(Show Stephanie’s cart approaching the show arena) (Brittany-Wan follows) Stephanie: Crap! He followed us! (Drives through a pile of trash and it goes everywhere) Brittany-Wan: I can’t see a thing! (Loud thud) Crap! I hit a juvie! (Hits OnStar Button) OnStar Lady: Hello, how may I help you? Brittany-Wan: Yes, I was just driving my cart and a juvie jumped out in front pf me. OnStar Lady: O.k., May I ask who I am speaking to? Brittany-Wan: Uh, you are speaking with… (Disguises voice) Hannah Ti OnStar Lady: O.k., Ms. Ti I’m sending cops and an ambulance to your location. Brittany-Wan: Thank you. (The OnStar Speaker clicks off and Brittany-Wan removes her cell phone and dials) Hannah, I need you to meet me in the trash ball field around ShowArenanosis, like right now! (Brittany-Wan takes off and there is a pause before Hannah Ti pulls up) Hannah Ti: Brittany-Wan? (Cop carts and an ambulance pull up with lights flashing) Police Officer: Freeze, step out of the car, You are under arrest for Vehicular Homicide Hannah Ti: WHAT?! Police Officer: Step out of the cart or we will use deadly force! (Hannah Ti gets out of the cart and is tackled) (Stephanie lands on ShowArenanosis)
(Show stormy and Dalene on FreeBarnine) Dalene: K2, stay with the cart. K2: (Beeps) (The two walk towards a booth where they are met by H-3MO) H-3MO: Oh, oh, the maker let me lead you to Cleatus. Stormy: (Follows H-3MO) I told mom not to give her too many meds. H-3MO: This is Cleatus. Cleat: Hello, Stormy: Where is my mother? Cleatus: Well she was out picking up yardsticks at the Genesis Booth when she was ambushed and captured by Jamaican Raiders Stormy: NO! (Runs to bike, gets on, and rides off) Cleatus: What’s her problem?
(Back on ShowArenanosis Brittany-Wan is sneaking around) Man #3: We must persuade the Carnies Guild and the Church Booth Alliance to sign the treaty. Gunray: What about Dalene? Is she dead yet? I will not sign this treaty until I have her head on a platter! Man #3: Patience, my short little midget. I am a man of my word. (They sit down at a table) Man #3: Good, those stinkin’ J.F.B. will be overwhelmed. ‘ (On FreeBarnine Stormy finds the Jamaican Raiders camp) Stormy: Die Dogs! (Kills them all)
(As she returns to her ship, Brittany-Wan is captured by Chick Droids) (She is in restraints as Count Atkinsu enters) Brittany-Wan: Traitor! Atkinsu: Oh no my friend, this is a mistake, a terrible mistake. They’ve gone too far this is madness! Brittany-Wan: I thought you were the leader here, Atkinsu. (Spits at him) Atkinsu: I will petition to have you set free. Brittany-Wan: Well, make it quick I have work to do; I was chasing a bounty hunter named Stephanie Fett. Is she here? Atkinsu: There’s no bounty hunter here that I am aware of, the ShowArenanosisans don’t like them. I wish Zac-Gon was here I could really use his guidance. Brittany-Wan: Zac-Gon would never join you! Atkinsu: Don’t be so sure, He might have, had he learned the truth as I have. Brittany-Wan: The truth? Atkinsu: The truth, that several Sr. Fairboard members are under the influence of a Sith Lord called, Darth Lanayadis. Brittany-Wan: No, That’s impossible Atkinsu: You must join me Brittany-Wan! Brittany-Wan: NEVER! Atkinsu: Then it will be hard for me to get them to release you. (Leaves)
(In the Sr. Fairboard Chambers Lisa-isa is talking to the delegates) Lisa-isa: It’s-a clear desa peoples makin a pact, members, “dellow fellegates,” in response to dis direct threat to the fairgrounds, mesa propose that the Sr. Fairboard give immediately emergency powers to the County Educator! County Educator Kuhn: The power you give me I will lay down when this crisis has abated! I shall use it to create a Grand Army of the FAIRBOARD!
(Stormy and Dalene are in their cart on ShowArenanosis) Dalene: Follow my lead; I don’t want to die in a giant bug attack. Stormy: As you wish (They leave and K2 and 3MO remain) K2-D2: (Beeping) H-3mo: My fat little friend, if they had needed our help they would have asked. K2-M2: (Beeps) (Leaves) H-3MO: Don’t you call me an overweight pill bottle, you mindless emo! (Follows) (Dalene and Stormy are attacked by giant bugs) Dalene: CRAP! See, what did I tell you Giant bugs. (They fight, but are captured) (The droids continue on and get lost)
(Stormy and Dalene are brought into the arena where Brittany-Wan is already chained to a pole) Brittany-Wan: I was beginning to think you hadn’t got my message Stormy: (As she is chained to pole) We did, then we decided to come and rescue you. Brittany-Wan: (Looks at chains) (Sarcastically) Good job. (Enter Count Atkinsu, Stephanie Fett, and ShowArenanosisan onto announcer’s stand) ShowArenanosisan: (Alien) Let the executions begin! Brittany-Wan: What did he say? Stormy: Let the executions begin Brittany-Wan: EXECUTIONS, NO I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE, WHEN I GO I WANT IT TO BE AT THE HANDS OF ONE OF MY APPRENTICES WHO TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE AFTER THEIR WIFE DIED IN CHILD BIRTH AND I BURNT THEM TO A CRISP IN A VOLCANO! (Gates open and a Steer, Goat and Lamb enter) (The animals attack the prisoners) (As this is happening Greg sneaks up onto the announcer’s stand) (Draws lightsmacker and places it at Stephanie’s throat) Greg: This party is over, I can’t believe you didn’t invite me! Atkinsu: Well, I had too many coming already and… Brittany-Wan: Woooaaahhh! This is fun! Greg: Yet you invite her? (J.F.B. all over the bleachers draw their lightsmackers) Greg: Guys! I thought we practiced this, you don’t reveal your there till I say, “Well I’m crashing this party,” got it? Let’s try this again. (Takes deep breath) Yet you invite her? Atkinsu: What Brittany-Wan? She was just in the area and… Greg: Well, I’m crashing this party! (J.F.B all over the bleachers draw their lightsmackers) Atkinsu: Brave, but ah, foolish Greg: I don’t think so Atkinsu: I don’t really care what you think. Greg: You shall (Two Super Chick Droids arrive and shot at Greg) (Stephanie uses a flamethrower on him) Greg: Frickin’ crap! Why do you have that, what good does that due?! (He jumps back off of the stand and removes the burnt cloak, as a battle ensues) (The fight continues until several carts carrying Joda and crones enter the ring) Joda: Around the survivors, a perimeter create! (The carts surround the surviving J.F.B.) (As the carts load the J.F.B. and take off, K2 and 3MO Remain on the ground) (3MO wakes up) H-3MO: I had the most peculiar dream, I had Kyle’s baby, I moved to Mexico, and became part of the mariachi band. K2-D2: (Beep) H-3MO: I am not craz…(K2 shocks her) (The carts fly around before Brittany-Wan and Stormy’s cart breaks off to chase Atkinsu) (They catch up with him out back of the barn as he prepares to board his cart) (They get off theirs and run to stop him as their cart takes off it wrecks into the fence) Brittany-Wan: See Stormy, that’s why drunk driving is illegal Stormy: (Pointing Lightsmacker at Atkinsu) Your gonna pay for all the J.F.B. you mortally wounded today, Atkinsu. Brittany-Wan: (To herself) Sometimes I think it goes in one ear and out the other (To Stormy) We’ll take him together. You take,… Stormy: I’m taking him now! Brittany-Wan: No! No! You freakin’ idiot! (Count Atkinsu shoots her with electricity and she is flung against wall) (Brittany-Wan stands to fight) Atkinsu: My powers are far beyond yours, back down! (He shoots lightning and Brittany-Wan blocks it with her lightsmacker) Brittany-Wan: I don’t think so, you flannel hippo! (They Fight) Atkinsu: Master Kenobi, you disappoint me, Joda holds you in such high esteem. (Finally both J.F.B. are disarmed) (Enter Joda) Atkinsu: Master Joda Joda: Count Atkinsu Atkinsu: You have interfered for the last time (Force pulls a gas tank from wall and throws it at Joda) (Joda stops it with the force and throws it against the fence) Joda: Powerful you have become, Atkinsu (They fight) (Atkinsu retreats to his cart and drives off)
(Atkinsu arrives at BrickBuildingsant) Lord Lanayadis’: Welcome home, Lord Tyranous, you have done well. (Pats his head) Atkinsu: I have good news my lord, the war has begun. Lanayadis’: Excellent, everything is going as planned.
(In the J.F.B. Basement Greg is on a chair looking out the window) Joda: Lies, deceit, creating mistrust are his ways now. Brittany-Wan: I must say master Windu, without the crones it would not have been a victory Joda: Victory, Victory you say? Master Brittany-Wan, not victory, the shroud of the Dark Side has fallen, begun this Crone War has. (Cops lead Hannah Ti in) Hannah Ti: BRITTANY-WAN! Brittany-Wan: Nice to see you again, what happened? Hannah Ti: I was arrested for Vehicular Homicide, when I arrived at the location you told me to meet you at! Brittany-Wan: Don’t worry officer, she’s prone to psychotic outbreaks, we’ll take her off your hand now. Police Officer: O.k.,, but I better not catch her in the ShowArenanosis area again. (Unlocks her handcuffs) (Police Officer leaves and Hannah Ti looks demonically at Brittany-Wan) Hannah Ti: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH LAST NIGH….(Runs and jumps at Brittany-Wan) (Roll credits)
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Duci
Shapeshifter
Awakened
Come on, Babe, why don't we paint the town?
Posts: 57
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Post by Duci on Jul 27, 2010 17:44:06 GMT -8
xD Are these based off of people you know? If so, I want to be friends with them.
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Than
Fae
Apprentice
"Society is flawed without coruption to drive it"
Posts: 174
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Post by Than on Jul 27, 2010 18:58:31 GMT -8
Yep, I know everyone of them, except for like minor characters Llama Poo, Coon Pee, and such, I don't truly know anyone like that
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Than
Fae
Apprentice
"Society is flawed without coruption to drive it"
Posts: 174
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Post by Than on Jul 27, 2010 19:10:26 GMT -8
Barn Wars Episode III Revenge of the Dark Side
A short time ago on a fairground not so far away…
BARN WARS EPISODE III REVENGE OF THE DARK SIDE
War! The Fairboard is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord Count Atkinsu; there are heroes on one side. Evil is some places, but not exactly everywhere, if you get what I’m saying.
In a not-so-stunning, but yet unprepared for, move, the fiendish chick droid leader, General Crabtreevous, has swept into BrickBuildingsant, and kidnapped County Educator Kuhn, leader of the Sr. Fairboard.
As the chick droid army “attempts” to flee the area with their valuable hostage, two Jr. Fairboard Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive educator…
(Pan down to show a slow moving truck) (Two J.F.B golf-carts race around it) (At the end of its nose they turn into a battle involving several trucks) Stormy: General Crabtreevous’ ship is straight ahead, the one crawling with Duck Droids Brittany-Wan: I see it, (Sarcastic) Oh this is gonna be fun! Stormy: You don’t have to be sarcastic (Several Duck Droids fly off of the truck and at the two J.F.B.) Brittany-Wan: I’m sorry, (Pushes intercom) Oddball, do you copy? Oddball: Copy, Periwinkle Leader Brittany-Wan: Form up your carts behind me Oddball: We’re on your tail, General (Large group of carts forms up behind them) Stormy: This is where the fun begins Brittany-Wan: Let them pass between us! (The Duck Droids fly between them and attack the crones) (All of the Crone’s Cart are hit and wreck) Brittany-Wan: CRAP! I wonder if they know how much those cost?! (The Duck Droids soot homing missiles) J4-T17: (Beeping) Brittany-Wan: No J4, nothing to fancy (They perform several overly fancy maneuvers) I frickin’ told you nothing fancy! (Brittany-Wan is hit as they approach the truck) Brittany-Wan: I’m hit Stormy! Stormy: The General’s truck is straight ahead Brittany-Wan: Well have you noticed the gates are still up? Stormy: I was getting to that Brittany-Wan: (Mocking) I was getting to that (Stormy shoot the gate and it drops down) (As they reach the gate the two jump out of their carts and into it) (They draw their Lightsmacker and fight off the droids) (K2-M2 goes to wall and plugs into the terminal) K2-M2: (Beep) Brittany-Wan: Yes, the Educator’s signal is coming from the bunk area. (They run off to the end of the trailer) (When they arrive there is a lift with a dead J.F.B. in front of it) Brittany-Wan: Crap, it’s Hannah-Ti! Stormy: She died for a good cause, come the Educator. Brittany-Wan: Piece of crap broke my sternum! (The two board the lift and starts upward very slowly, the song “Smooth Criminal” is on)
(In the truck bed General Crabtreevous is beside the window) General Crabtreevous: What’s the situation, Cap…? (Coughs) Captain? Captain: Two J.F.B. have landed in the trailer General Crabtreevous: Did I not tell you we needed an industrial lock?
(The two J.F.B.’s heads slowly appear over the bunk area’s edge) (As the lift stops Brittany-Wan does a “Michel Jackson Crotch-Grab”) (Stormy smacks her and they run to the captive Educator) Brittany-Wan: Educator! Stormy: Are you all right? Educator: Count Atkinsu (Nods as the count gets off the lift) You can’t fight him, he’s a Sith Lord Brittany-Wan: Sith Lords are our specialty Stormy: (Whispers) How can “we” be specialists if “you” have only killed one? Brittany-Wan: Details Stormy, details. Atkinsu: Your smackers please (They fight) (Brittany-Wan is knocked unconscious and Stormy gets Atkinsu’s lightcane) Educator: Good, good, Kill Him! Stormy: It’s not the J.F.B. way! Educator: Neither was killing all the Jamaicans, but that didn’t stop you then, did it?! (Stormy kills Atkinsu, she then flings Brittany-Wan over her shoulder and they leave)
(In the truck bed) Captain: FIRE! FIRE! General Crabtreevous: You big baby it’s a match (Holds up the match and blows it out) (Droids enter with their J.F.B. captives) General Crabtreevous: Ah, at last we have the great negotiator, that wasn’t much of rescue. Brittany-Wan: We’re not done yet, this time you won’t escape General Crabtreevous: Was that an attempt at foreshadowing? Cause it sucked (K2 goes crazy allowing the J.F.B. to draw their lightsmackers) General Crabtreevous: Make them suffer (Sends his bodyguards to fight) (They are destroyed) General Crabtreevous: You lose General Kenobi (Jumps off truck bed) (Stormy jumps in the cab and drives the truck) (As they drive the trailer unhooks and rolls away) Stormy: We lost someth… (The truck hit’s BrickBuildingsant) Brittany-Wan: Another happy landing
(General Crabtreevous lands on Commercipau)
(Stormy and Kuhn are in the County Educator’s Chambers) Kuhn: I hope you trust me, Stormy Stormy: Of course, I trust you like I trusted Hitler Kuhn: I need your help. Stormy: For what? I don’t understand Kuhn: I’m appointing you to be my personal representative on the J.F.B. Council Stormy: I’m overwhelmed, madam. Kuhn: Also, I need you to go and pickup my dry-cleaning, a gallon of milk, oh and my meds.
(Brittany-Wan lands on Commercipau, where he is met by the leader) Leader: Greetings, young J.F.B., What brings you here? Brittany-Wan: Unfortunately the war Leader: There’s no war here, unless you brought it with you? Brittany-Wan: Can I refuel than? Leader: (Whispers) He’s here… Brittany-Wan: WHO’S HERE?! Oh… Leader: The Gamp’s Booth hundreds of Chick Droids Brittany-Wan: Take shelter in the campers (Riding an alpaca Brittany-Wan closes in on the Separatists) General Crabtreevous: I am sending you to BoothBarnar, it is a plywood and foam filled barn, you will be safe there. Unless, of course, a JFB comes and kills you, or, god forbid, one of the booth walls tips over and crushes you. But other then that you should be plenty safe, yep, safe. Gunray: Safe! I have doubts about your ability to keep us safe. General Crabtreevous: Shut up you dumb midget, (Gunray tries to interject, is shot) Anybody else have doubts? Brittany-Wan: Hello there General Crabtreevous: Hello there, yourself, how are you? Brittany-Wan: Good, good, you know, and you? General Crabtreevous: I’m fine, just hiding from the J.F.B. Council, (Slyly) Wait Brittany-Wan: Your move (General Crabtreevous transforms) General Crabtreevous: Fool, I have been trained in your J.F.B. arts by Count Atkinsu, Attack Kenobi (They fight) (General Crabtreevous breaks away and gets in a Gator and takes off) (Brittany-Wan gets on her alpaca and follows) (The Crone Troops arrive)
(Stormy enters the County Educator’s Chambers) Stormy: Educator, we have just received a report that Brittany-Wan has engaged General Crabtreevous. Kuhn: Oh, there’s going to be a wedding, they can use the atrium, and the reception can be held in the… Stormy: No he has begun to fight him Kuhn: Oh, well, (Coughs) we can only hope he succeeds Stormy: I should be there Kuhn: I can’t believe they won’t make you a master Stormy: More and more I get the feeling that I’m being excluded from the J.F.B. Council Kuhn: Gosh you cry baby, I was merely stating my opinion and then you get all sentimental on me.
(Back at Commercipau the chase goes on) (Brittany-Wan jumps in General Crabtreevous’ Gator) General Crabtreevous: Firkin’ Crap! You spider-monkey! (They jump off, the Gator keeps going, and hits “Flower’s Monuments”) (The two fight with yardsticks) (Brittany-Wan takes a pistol and shoots General Crabtreevous, he explodes) Brittany-Wan: So uncivilized.
(In the J.F.B. Parking Lot Windu prepares to enter BrickBuildingsant) Stormy: Master Windu, Master Windu! Windu: Skycrusher, we just received word that Brittany-Wan has destroyed General Crabtreevous. We were going to his chambers for a party and to take back his power Stormy: He won’t let you have the party, I have just learned a terrible truth, I think that County Educator is a Sith Lord Windu: A Sith Lord? Stormy: No, a flying penguin, of course a Sith Lord Windu: How do you know this? Stormy: He knows the way of the force. Windu: Are you sure? Stormy: Yes, why do you think I ran down three flights of stairs, through two meeting areas, and almost tripped over the shelf in the main lobby? Windu: We must act quickly, before the ice-cream cake melts! Stay! (Runs into building)
(Windu enters the County Educator Chambers) (Several other J.F.B. follow him) Kuhn: Good evening, if General Crabtreevous is destroyed I hope you brought ice cream cake Windu: In the name of the Sr. Fairboard of Scioto County you are under arrest Kuhn: I can’t go to jail, especially if your threatening me Windu: The Sr. Fairboard will decide your fate Kuhn: I am the Sr. Fairboard! Windu: Not yet! Kuhn: This is treason; I denounce this form and become Lanayatine! (They fight and all but Greg are killed) (Stormy busts through the door as the two break the window) (Lanayatine is cornered in it’s edge) Windu: You are under arrest, my lord Lanayatine: Stormy, I told you it would come to this, the J.F.B. are taking over, over, over! Windu: What was that? Lanayatine: I was echoing for dramatic effect, effect, effect. Windu: The oppression of the Sith will never return! You are the “Weakest Link,” Good-bye! Lanayatine: No, no, you will die! (shoots electricity) (Loops) Windu: Stop the loop! (Blocks the lightning) (Cut to a Weakest Link style interview) Lanayatine: I just feel like if I had just killed Windu before now, I could have taken over easily, but I guess I’ll have to take power the hard way! (Cut back to the window) Lanayatine: He is the traitor! Windu: No, He is the traitor! Lanayatine: No I’m not! Windu: Yes, you are! Lanayatine: No, I’m afraid I’m not Windu: Yes you are! Stormy: SHUT UP! (Cuts off Windu’s arm and Lanayatine electrocutes Windu out the window) Lanayatine: POWER! UNLIMITED POWER! Stormy: What have I done? Lanayatine: You have killed the second most powerful JFB on the Fairground, stupid, stupid, stupid. Become my apprentice learn to use the force as I have, I can teach you the cool electric trick. (winks) Man: (As he enters eating Ice Cream Cake) I thought I was your apprentice? Lanayatine: Not anymore, (Electrocutes him out the window) Stormy: I will do whatever you ask (Kneels) Lanayatine: Good, good, good. Stormy: Could you not do that? Lanayatine: It’s my thing, so no! Stormy: Just help me save Dalene’s life. Lanayatine: I think we can do that (Pulls out pamphlet and checks it) yes we can. Stormy: I pledge myself to your teachings Lanayatine: Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth Martha, now rise, rise, rise. (Turns to put on cloak, as he turns back around Darth Martha has aged exponentially) Lanayatine: Wow you aged quickly, now, every single J.F.B., including your friend Brittany-Wan Kenobi, is now an enemy of the Sr. Fairboard. Martha: I understand master. Lanayatine: Really? Well that was quick; my other apprentices took days to understand that concept. We must move quickly, go to the J.F.B. Basement, do what must be done, lord Martha, Martha, Martha. Martha: What about the other J.F.B. spread out across the Fairground? Lanayatine: Their betrayal will be dealt with, after you kill all the J.F.B. in the basement, go to BoothBarnar, there you will find a letter, read the letter and do exactly as it says.
(Show Darth Martha walking down the stairs to the basement with Crones following her)
(Back on Commericipau the battle rages, as Brittany-Wan rides up on her alpaca) Brittany-Wan: Commander, tell your troops to move to “Flower’s Monuments” to get rid of that Gator Commander: Yes sir, I think you’ll be needing this. (Hands Brittany-Wan her Lightsmacker) (As Brittany-Wan takes off on her alpaca the commander’s holocom beeps) Lanayatine: (On holocom) Execute Order 66 Commander: Yes my lord, Blast her! (They shoot Brittany-Wan’s alpaca and she falls in a hot-tub) (Show montage of the J.F.B getting killed) (Brittany-Wan escapes and takes off in Crabtreevous’ cart) Brittany-Wan: Emergency Code 911! Sr. Fairboard Member: Brittany-Wan? Brittany-Wan: My Crone Troops turned on me Sr, Fairboard Member: We just rescued Master Joda, it appears it has happened Everywhere (The group are in a truck bed) Brittany-Wan: We must return to the Basement!
(Joda and Brittany-Wan fight into Basement and find a dead teen leader) Brittany-Wan: He was killed by a light cane! (In the Sr. Fairboard Chambers, Lanayatine addresses the board) Lanayatine: The attempt on my life has left me scarred, But, I assure you my resolve has never been stronger! In order to ensure the security and continuing stability, the Sr. Fairboard will be reorganized into the first fairground Chickpire! FOR A SAFE AND SECURE FAIR WEEK! (Applause) Dalene: So this is how my hearing dies, with thundering applause?
(In the basement the two J.F.B. discover holograms) Brittany-Wan: Than it is true, send me to destroy the Emperor, I can not kill Stormy! Joda: Gone your apprentice is, consumed by Darth Martha
(Dalene, H-3MO, and secretly Brittany-Wan arrives at BoothBarnar) Martha: (Greets Dalene) I saw your cart! Dalene: I was so worried; our adopted kids won’t be able to live this life! Martha: (As Brittany-Wan exit’s the cart) TRAITOR! You brought her here to kill me! (Grabs her around the neck and throws her against table) Brittany-Wan: Great, now I have to explain a dead Chickperial Fairboard Member to the board Martha: You turned her against me! Brittany-Wan: You did that yourself! Martha: I have brought peace, freedom, and security, to my new Chickpire! Brittany-Wan: Your new Chickpire? The paper-work hasn’t even been drafted! Martha: Don’t make me kill you! Brittany-Wan: Well, we jumped that gap really quickly, but I will do what I must. Even if it means cutting off all of your limbs and tossing a bowl of fire on you. Martha: You will try! (They draw their lightsmackers) (They fight)
(Back at the Emperor’s Chambers, Joda enters) Joda: I hear a new apprentice you have, Emperor, or should I call you Darth Lanayadis Lanayatine: Master Joda, you survived, did you hide beneath your paper-work? Joda: Surprised? I also found the Outstanding Exhibitor results, and some rabbit show ribbons, and two boxes of Twinkles (They fight)
(On BoothBarnar the Martha and Brittany-Wan fight atop booth walls) (They jump onto rocks in a booth with two fire pits) Brittany-Wan: I have failed you Stormy! Martha: It’s Martha! I should have known the J.F.B. were planning to take over! Brittany-Wan: Stormy, Emperor Lanayatine is evil! Martha: Really he’s emperor now? Brittany-Wan: Yes, but… Martha: From my point of view the J.F.B. are evil! Brittany-Wan: Well than you are lost, Helen Keller wasn’t even this blind! (They fight) (Brittany-Wan jumps to safety) (Martha judges the gap) Brittany-Wan: Don’t try it, Stormy! Martha: (Jumps) IT”S MARTHA! (Brittany-Wan cuts off Martha’s limbs) (As her body hit’s the ground a pot of fire falls on her) Brittany-Wan: You were the chosen one, it was said you would destroy the Sith, not join them! (Picks up Martha’s Lightsmacker and leaves) (The Emperor arrives and takes Martha away)
(Show Darth Martha being reconstructed) (The helmet goes on and you hear mechanical breathing) (The table she is on rises up) Lanayatine: Lord Martha? (Mechanical breathing) Lanayatine: Can you hear me? (Mechanical breathing) Martha: Yes, my master. Where is Dalene? Is she safe? Lanayatine: Well, uh, no, it seems in your anger you killed her. Martha: I? I couldn’t have, she was alive I felt it! (Several devices crush themselves)
(On the Sr. Fairboard Members truck) Brittany-Wan: What will be done with the foster kids? Sr. Fairboard Member: My wife and I will take one. Joda: The boy to FreeBarnine, to his family you will take him (Roll Credits)
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